Sigh :(

Basically to sum up at the moment I'm going to use my Yahoo! Horoscope:


None of your friends may be at home today, dear Taurus, and so you probably won't be able to have any phone conversations or visits with them. This could cause you to feel rather lonely, and you might brood a little and convince yourself that no one cares about you any more. Snap out of it! You know full well this isn't the case. Read or watch videos until someone rings you up. Believe it, they will!

The only person I've talked to all day has been my mum...great. And yes, I know people have lives, I'm not the centre of the universe and all of that...but I've been desperately lonely all day. When no one makes any kind of contact at all it just makes me feel...unimportant/unwanted. But I am just a really clingy person who hates being alone. I think that's my phobia, being alone and unwanted =/


Enough morbidity, today me and mum (or Mum and I if you prefer) are taking Millie our dog to the dog groomers. Now the leaves are falling, every time she comes in from outside she brings hundreds of leaves in stuck to her tummy fluff. But there's Millie, cute :)

We just got back, I had dinner out with Mum, food out is always good (Y) We went into Bodmin to drop Millie off then went to Wadebridge. I got a new bin lol, thrilling stuff there. But apparently there was an apple in my current one and it started to seep through the bottom...which was just gross =/. 


I was about to paint another one of my walls, but I forgot to clean the brushes last night and so the little one had dried up a little bit..soo I now have to wait for them to dry before I can carry on. I suppose that just means I have to do something productive for example some revision which I am in dire need of. I'm resitting AS Chemistry..yay plus I'm resitting the second Psychology exam in January. Which is 12 weeks away :S I'm really not looking forward to that, especially seeing as the chemistry is stuff I was learning this time last year and it's sort of not in my head at the moment. I'm sure I'll manage and hopefully do better than I did last year. Fingers crossed and pray!


I've downloaded so much music lately, I downloaded all of Nickelback, The All American Rejects, Weezer and 3 Doors Downs' music. Like ALL of it. So I now have over 1000 tracks on iTunes. iLike :P I also got all of the B-Sides and rare tracks that Paramore have done, so I'll have learnt all their music by the time we go and see them in December. Which I'm really really really looking forward to :D Road trip babae!


I may be going out later, I don't really know what's going on. As I've said, I haven't spoken to anyone since sunday...sucks to be me I guess. And now seeing as I've been thoroughly depressing, I shall leave and do some chemistry revision. Wish me Luck!

~*~Hayley~*~

Oops! I did it again

I had saved a post....but it vanished =/ that was interesting... So I have no idea what I babbled on about on that one.


But Hi! I'm very very hungry at the moment and quite lonely. So that's why I've resorted to writing stuff as if I were having an actual conversation. It has been a while hasn't it?
I can't remember when I my last post was or where to begin...*goes to look* Ah Sunday. Well this week, I spent all the possible free time with Joe, who in reality is the only thing that actually gets me to get out of bed in a morning. I have all these dreams for my future all of which involve me doing well, but he's the main driving motivation.


Maths is strangely funny at times, my lecturer has the worst sense of humour in the world and makes all these crappy jokes. But he's as annoyed with Matt as the rest of us are, and every time Matt says anything Simon (the lecturer) is there rolling his eyes and like 'Yes Matt, now shut up and stop trying to be a know-it-all'. Emphasis on the word trying :P But yeah, Georgia and I like to whine about him, it's fun :) she decided we would put him in an airtight perspex box, even though I pointed out he would most likely die...on her head be it!
We spent quite a bit of maths today singing The Kings of Leon - Use Somebody, classic song.  


But yeah, tomorrow night I'm going out with my friends for Lyd's 18th birthday. Food tiime :) I think it's gonna be goood and as an added perk, two more days of Joe ♥

As Always,

Yours

♥♥♥

:D Happy

I'm having another of those very non-eloquent moments, I'm the happiest I've ever been and can't seem to find any words for it. I spent a good few minutes there looking through quotes, because I'm just a little bit sad. There were several that jumped out at me:


"What I feel for you seems less of earth and more of a cloudless heaven."
"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you."
"You're nothing short of my everything." 

I'm having a very sappy day, my heart feels warm in my chest; always. I thought I had loved deeply before, but that pales in comparison with this. I just want to be with him all the time, and any time away from him is time wasted. 

In other news XD, I spent the weekend with Joe, as you may have realised from my babbling :P It was the best two days of my life. End of story.

My UCAS is currently being considered by the universities I have applied to, I have no idea how long it'll take for them to get back to me, if I get any offers I'll be quite frankly astounded. The idea that out of the hundreds of applicants for medicine, anyone would pick me, the average one, is just not going to happen. Meh I'll stay positive, if I get in, I can always brag about that :P But yeah, I've finished my to do list, and have nothing useful to do. Except revise like a bitch and homework. I'm supposed to be focussing on my education this year, I said at the beginning that seeing as I had no more distractions, I would get on with being a good girl. But so far this year I've learned how to not be a social pariah and still do well. I'm nerding out this year, and I'm loving every second of it.

At the moment, I'm missing writing :( I loved writing stories and stuff. But I seem to have lost my mojo, I can't think of anything. Writers block sucks. I love writing something, letting the words flow out of your fingers and then reading back over it and thinking 'wow, I thought of that'. It's like when I solve a really hard maths problem, and when you've finished, you look over the workings out and feel proud that you accomplished that. Oh yeah, I'm a maths nerd :P I looove maths, it's great.

But yeah, I'm babbling quite a bit, and Joe's going to be reading this and I don't think he needs/wants to hear about my love of maths =/

C'est la vie, so they say. I have a good feeling about next week, it's going to be good. I don't know why I think that, it's just a feeling in my gut. I tend to follow my gut, otherwise I'd never do anything XD 

But anyway I'm going to go now, and come back another day.

Peace out dudes :P

~*~Hayley~*~

♥ I love you Joe Reid ♥

Celebrate good times come on!

*Sigh* Sent off my UCAS application in the nick of time!! I thought I was going to crash and burn, completely missing the deadline but I did it! So that's a load off of my mind. I officially have predicted grades of AABB which is pretty spiffy if you ask me :)


Just got Google Chrome, I'd recommend it just because its so pretty XD I'd put a screenshot on here if it didn't involve saving it, uploading it etc because lets face it, it's nearly midnight..and I'm pretty tired. Though the blogger theme doesn't go with my colour scheme of orange pink and green so yeah its kind of annoying.


Didn't really do much today, I had Maths and Psychology where we worked and stuff. Then I saw Joe for a while (♥) and then I had to go see my tutor to finish Uni application. Then I spent the rest of the day with Joe (♥♥♥) who I'm kind of in love with :P as you might have guessed :D I pretty much live for the time I get to spend with him, which isn't nearly as much as I'd like :( So much so I am considering moving closer to Truro XD to be practical, it would really help my grades because I wouldn't need to get up at 6 in the morning so I can get to college. The fact I'd be closer to Joe is just a perk ;)


Anyway I'm sleepy and probably am not making a great deal of sense =/

'Night

~*~Hayley~*~

♥ p.s. I love you ♥

Lost Post

Hm, I had started to write another post...but I had to leave so I saved it. But apparantly not, it has now vanished :S I can't even remember what I wrote, it was a while ago..

I was asked a minute ago by my friend (who I don't talk to as much as I used to since he stopped flirting with me and got a girlfriend) if I was happy. Thinking about it, my heart warmed in a literal sense and I had a stupidly big grin. All I could think of to reply was that 'yes I really really am' as you've learnt I'm HIGHLY eloquent XD But there are no real words to describe it, the only thing that seems to grasp how you feel are songs where someone else managed to find the words for you. And every time you hear it, you always think of that person that makes you feel the exact same way.

Speaking of love and happiness ;) I stayed at Joe's on friday night. I don't think he really grasps how much I'd rather just stay with him forever and never have to leave. If I could have my own way we would do. But I have enough dreams as it is :D Let's just say I'm very tired right now and it's all his fault (Jumping up and down on me shouting 'Hayleeyy wake upp!! It's morningg!!' at 3:00am...yeah, morning XD) it's the times he's being absolutely crazy that make me realise how lucky I really am and how amazing he is. Well, not at the time, I wanted to sleep. But now i think its really cute :P

I dont really have anything to talk about now =/ I've spent most of my free time with Joe...college seems to be easier this year. Well not easier but it's more fun and I'm putting more effort in which makes it seem easier. Last year the effort never really happened. Thankfully everyone understands why I'm being anti-social because after the results day last year I think a lot of people realised they need to do more this year. I'm just glad University is on the same lever, I don't think I could take any more.

I had a lovely lecture from mum about where I'm heading. Apparantly I need to put more effort in, I'm already putting in twice as much as last year! It just ended with me seriously considering changing my entire future beause she just made me think I couldn't do it. My mum's nice and all most of the time, but I don't get on with her because she just damages my self esteem. Up to this point I let her make me believe I was fat to the point I hated myself. Which is very vain, but I felt awkward enough as it was, *points to picture* :P I was never anything special, always in the background being invisible.

Not quite sure how I got on to that tangent... figured I ought to stop XD

I'll say good-bye because I'm now running on empty :S

~*~ Hayley ~*~
P.s.
I
Love
You
Joe
Reid
♥

Sticky Hair :(

Got back from the CAOS meeting/audition. It was kinda boring, I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just that having to sit and listen to a bunch of 13 year olds who can't read try and read a script is not exactly five-star entertainment. We're doing Aladdin, which isn't as cool as Alice in Wonderland (which is what we were going to do) but meh. It's my aim in life to be a Princess :D

The stupid fat chavvy girl on my bus home from college thought it would be fucking hilarious to put chewing gum in my hair. Thanks. At first they were just throwing like, tinfoil or something, but they obviously ran out and decided to use chewing gum instead. And they found it so fucking hilarious like they'd been just oh so cool, when really they're just fat chavs that need to grow up and stop being dickheads.

On the plus side I spent pretty much the entire day with Joe :) we were being attractive as we ate in Subway :P I'm ALWAYS attractive though, yeah Joe, ALWAYS. He needed to go shopping, and I found out that he's not actually that bad. He's better than Ben who takes fudging forever trying stuff on, then not actually buying stuff saying he'll 'get it some other time'. Lol, I'm giving up shopping because I have to save for a holiday me, Lucy and Ben are going on. Squee :D

*Sigh* I'm tiired, and I don't think Joe's coming back online :( Oh well, his loss :P

Bed Time :)
Hayley

Elocution

I hate it when someone says something to you that means a lot to them, and you have no idea what to say in return. Especially when it's something that makes you so unbelievably happy that you want to jump around squealing. Then your lack of words make them think you don't care and the both of you feel horrible. But I'm glad I didn't swear off of relationships like I said I would earlier this year because, I don't know, it's like having just one thing thats constant. Everything else can be swirling in a pool of absolute shite, but I know he'll always be there to pick up the pieces.

I'll shut up, it's getting sappy.

In other news, my brother's gone :) I shouldn't be happy, but he was annoying me and he made my parents annoyed quite a bit. Not that I ever knew what was going on with him, I thought he was going to be in his room forever more then one evening mum was like 'yeah so I'm taking Simon to the station tomorrow' and I just said 'Where's he going?!?' turns out he was going to look for a house...good to know, thanks for letting me know ¬.¬ and when a week later he got back they were like 'so have you packed yet?' again making me ask where he's going. Turns out he's going back to uni on the sunday. Again, thanks for telling me. Urgh, I like to know what's happening you know? I like to have a grasp on changes and stuff.

I get a suprise on Saturday though :) I have no idea what it is, but I bet it'll be good. I'm going round to Joe's house on friday and staying over. And I get my suprise in the evening. I'm probably being very impatient and annoying him no end asking about it, but I'm very impatient, I don't like having to wait for things I want. Which makes me sound like a spoiled brat XD

Still no luck on the UCAS form front, I was supposed to ring the Work Experience place today but I never seemed to have the time...oh well. ten days yesterday :S

Wish me luck!

~*~Hayley~*~

Not a People Person...

It's been so cold today :( I can tell we're in for another freezing winter. God I love England XD I was sat in my room earlier wearing my Uggs, a scarf and gloves. My dad decided to fit the new window and so there was a giant hole in the wall for a while :P The new window looks much better, brown PVC is never the way to go.

Don't you just hate it when your parents ruin things for you and make you let people down? I guess really all it takes is to be so afraid of making people angry that you'll go along with whatever anyone says regardless of what you really want. And seeing as my parents hold the power over me, its usually the ones I love that get hurt by it. But there's nothing I can do about it, except move out. Which is what I plan to do next year, or as soon as possible. I just hate feeling like someone has the power to decide what I do, rather than me deciding what to do. I think I just have a problem with authority and would much rather do whatever the hell I like all the time.

The deadline for my UCAS application was yesterday :S I haven't finished it which is really starting to worry me. I'm relying on the people at the hospital to get back to me so that I can finish my personal statement and then I'm done. I hate waiting for other people to get their acts together. When it's something quite important you'd think they'd get their asses in gear wouldn't you? I mean they KNOW I'm applying for Medicine and that the deadline is soon, they've probably grasped that I'm putting this down in my personal statement but guess what? They're going to take their time over this :@

I'm really not a people person today, everything everyone does just annoys me. I get like that every now and again, and I just stay in my room so I don't have to inflict myself on anyone. It's worse when I'm in college and people want to talk to me and I just want to tell them all to go and fuck off, then probably cry if they did. Just can't win with that one :S

On to happier things, we cultured E. coli in Biology yesterday, and it was strangely fun. It probably helped that we had a bunsen burner going the entire time and the flame was pretty :) And I love how it seemed like 'real science' unlike all the crappy stuff we usually do which doesn't seem to really matter. How careful we had to be just seemed to make it more fun. Which is probably weird to anyone who isnt me but whatever, I'm a nerd like that :P

Oh! And I'm actually talking to the people in my psychology class now XD I don't know why, but I couldn't actually find the guts to talk to any of them. I was always absolutely petrified in that room, I don't know why, I guess the extreme shyness is catching up with me again :S I had to read something out to the class the other day, and by the time I'd finished I was blushing furiously and my hands were shaking. And people doubt that I'm actually shy. I don't even know why I was doing it, they're all perfectly nice people, one is the twin of one of my good friends. But still, I'm starting to talk now so it's all good. I've just got to talk in chemistry now.

This is a long blog :P I had a lot of ranting to do apparantly...I'm now worried about when anyone actually reads it. I don't really do the bad emotions in real life, the bad stuff's pushed to the back. Which is really bad to do, but no one wants to hear it. I just write about it, stories and stuff. Though I've been lacking creativity lately and can't write anything...I miss it :(

Much love
~*~Hayley~*~
P.S. I love you
♥ Joe ♥

CBA

Haven't written here for a while..I just haven't had the energy :( I've fallen asleep talking to Joe twice now which isn't good. It doesn't help I always feel so gross when I wake up. Last night I woke up, Joe had gone, I felt like shit so I went back to sleep then what seemed like a minute later I had to get up. It's just not fun. That's the only thing I have to complain about...I'm fucking shattered and in desperate need of some sleep. (Or 'sleep' ;P)

But yeah, I don't have all that much to write about =/ except that me, Joe and a bunch of other people went to pizza hut to celebrate Jess and Abi's birthdays. Which was good, Ben and Joe had a competition to see who could eat the most pizza, though Annie kicked all their asses. Girl Power FTW! Though I did have to skive tutor which is no real sacrifice, its a pile of shit. I hate my tutor...I may have mentioned that already :S

My brother is moving back to Uni this weekend, he was supposed to be going to China to work with some Chinese computer nerds for a year but that fell through due to the credit crunch. So after several months of slobbing around doing fuck all he arranged to go back to uni this year instead of next year. Which is good...because he seriously smells :( personal hygene is not his strong point!

Ooh, I might have arranged some work experience! At Treliske hospital in the Haematology Department. I'm not quite sure what I'll be doing...but I know that blood is involved :) Ben is disgusted, he has a slight blood phobia so I keep asking him if he would like some free blood :P he wasn't impressed.

We're culturing E Coli in Biology tomorrow :S I'm not entirely sure how safe that's going to be, the only reassurance I have is that they wouldn't let us do it in school if it were dangerous...right? Oh well, just as long as I don't get infected that'll be juuuust fine.

I have chemistry homework to do, I just can't quite get up the ability to care...I mean I do care, it's just I can't be bothered.

I'm going to go :)

~*~Hayley~*~