Welcome To Dreamland

I've thought about what I've been writing and this is really personal, even for me. Reason 1 why I'm glad I know all the people following my blog XD




This sucks.


For the most part, it sucks because since I got here 3 days ago, all I've done is missed him. Well, I went out monday night, but I still spent most of it with him, especially when some guy with the wrong idea thinks it would be a good idea to start pressing himself against me. At which point I swiftly move away and try to stay in the company of the girls I know that I'm there with.


But I now have a bright pink blow up guitar, so the evening wasn't a total loss, I just have to wait for the pictures to come up.


Part of me just wishes that I could just sort of skip this part of my life, this might just have come from starting to read The Time Travellers Wife in Starbucks on monday. I don't know how or why someone would write such a tragically sad book, but I can't seem to stop reading it. And crying. A lot.


But I just wish I could skip this part of my life and just go straight to the marriage and children part. I've been a very broody person since I was about 15, a fact I have kept from Joe in case it makes him want to run to the hills. I was talking to Lucy the other day who said that she could quite happily have a child now, but wouldn't because of the crapness of life. Personally, I can't wait. I really can't. But I'll have to; for now.


I've been in a fairly bleak mood today, crying a lot and missing Joe so terribly that I can do nothing else but cry. I guess that's what got me onto thinking about children, a small part of him that would be with me always, even when he couldn't be.


But at the moment I don't think he'd want to be with me anyway, given that a few minutes ago he branded me a hypocrite over a comment I made without thinking:
"It would be a sad day when I'd have to join xbox live just to get you to talk to me."
I apparantly hung up on him to meet someone for an hour, so I'm a hypocrite. Apparantly in my current mood I can't make jokes anymore, but I exited facebook and put my laptop on standby but he hasn't phoned or texted so I'm assuming he's really mad this time. The minute I saw him getting angry I, of course, started to cry, and when he called me a hypocrite I had to crawl under my duvet and sob until I looked like even more of a mess than I already did.


I think this is what many would call a 'Rocky patch', I'm not sure how I'm supposed to pretend to be someone who likes to go out and get drunk (I'm still holding on to my being drunk virginity) and be able to stay in and answer his texts when I get them. Because believe me, I'd rather stay at home just to wait for a text from him than go out with a bunch of people I don't really know and not get back till the early hours of the morning. I mean sure, that's fun once in a while, but it's not really me.


Damn my mum for making me grow up before my time.


So now I get to wallow in self pity, wishing for the next 11 days to go past and I can actually do something. 


But, I'd rather go to his on thursday and never come back, just stay locked in his room, rejecting the world and just being together. Because above all, I just miss him.