All the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me

Well, I came back. And aren't I glad I did...not.

The bad thing about a drug is that once you get more of it, you always want that much, always want more than you can probably get.

But yeah, the week was perfect, well, except that Joe decided that he liked it when I got mad. So he provoked me; a lot. And I get teasy when it's too hot. And I consider 35 degrees plus to be too hot XD

But it was so nice to spend those nine days with him. NINE STRAIGHT DAYS! :D

Best
Week
EVER!

But when I got home, after going to a BBQ, my mum wasn't talking to me. What a surprise. But luckily she was going away the next day anyway with Dad. So now I have the house all to myself (well except from my never-present brother; who I have to feed by the way) and I couldn't be happier. Well I would be happier if I had a Joe to cuddle up to every night and a bigger bed so I could fit a double bed into. But that is neither here nor there.

So I'm starting to work towards my grade 7 in piano. The numbers are getting bigger and closer to the goal of Grade 8. But unfortunately I'm doing this one alone as I've left college and I don't have the heart to ask my parents to get a private tutor. But yeah, grade 7; scary. You have no idea how surprised I was when I phoned home my third day in Portugal and heard that I'd passed. I didn't expect to pass in any way, shape or form. But there you go. In one year I have done my music theory test and passed grade 6; that's an achievement in itself isn't it?

But, I can't help but think that in just 19 days I'm going to find out my fate for the next three years of my life. I'll probably get a letter from Plymouth in a couple of weeks with either good news or bad news. Every time I think about it my heart gets all anxious. But I'm trying to be nonchalant, but in my head all I can think to myself is that I haven't managed it, that I'm going to be stuck here for another year.

I don't think I could handle that. I couldn't bear living in this hell hole for another year. I don't even want to consider that outcome. Lately I've been wondering if I could ever have the strength and or bravery to walk out of here, walk out of this house and do what I want to do for once. Rather than do what I know I should do, or rather, what I feel I HAVE to do. I can't make her happy forever, I can barely do it as it is, so why not just walk out?

So she's not talking to him. I mean really, how immature is that? Does ignoring people ever solve anything? All it's doing is creating tension at home and I just can't stand being around here.


I am SO glad I'm going away the day after tomorrow :D


This is all because Dad spent the weekend at work because they were due to start at a new place today. And NOW she's pissed because his current job is in Plymouth. So he didn't get home till half six and she didn't talk to him.


And he finds it funny...which is SO not helping.


I'm just hoping the argument starts after I leave, wednesday evening or later and I don't care. 


They've been married 25 years and I still don't know how =/




I've always promised myself that I would never end up like that. That I would marry the right person. And I have to get married if I want a family, especially judging by the way my family talks about people who have kids when they get married. My Uncle, after he split with my Aunt, had a baby with a woman and they were all just like:
"Is he going to do the right thing and marry her?!?" I hate that. It's just so narrow-minded. There's no law saying you have to be married to have children, but unfortunately I live in a backwards family.


Okay, a bird just flew into my window and scared the shit out of me...


But yeah, that's what's going on at the moment :) fun times...


P.S. I'm still lonely and need hugs -.- someone seems to be having a love affair with his xbox before he has to do without it for a week -.-

Suckfest

At the moment I can't help but think that my life kind of sucks. I mean all I seem to do is go to work and go on facebook or msn to see if my boyfriend is online...which he generally isn't.
I'm glad I have a job, purely because I get money from it, I borderline hate my job and it's only been like, 3/4 months. I find it hard to care about a job where I basically clean up after people who generally smell like they ought to have maybe used the complimentary shower gel and shampoo/conditioner. And I know, I know that many would be glad of £6 an hour, but unfortunately it's taking over my life. I get 2 days off a week and to be honest, after I've had my glorious lie-in the day is mostly gone and there's nothing I can do about it. And then the next day I go back to my place of work which is filled with people bitching about other people who work there, usually at like 8am; and to be honest, who even functions at that time in the morning?


I know dragging myself out of bed at 7am shouldn't really be such a pain, but it's just everything is so so mundane. Every room has sort of merged into one and I just feel like I'm wandering around for most of the day behaving like a robot, just allowing herself to be ordered around. 


And yes, I've always been a pushover.


I'm becoming increasingly nervous about tomorrow night. Clubbing in Plymouth. I've never been to a club before beyond our safe little college party. Clubbing with a bunch of people who don't know when to stop. Hmm, I'm not much of a drinker, and I don't know how this group of people is going to take that. They like to drink until they have no idea what they're doing, and I just think that's kind of pathetic.


You know when people are all like:
1: Good night last night?
2: I dunno, it must have been good, I can't remember it!


I just think that's just sad. Why have a 'good' time if you can't even remember it afterwards? Why bother doing something that will just ultimately make you feel like you want to die? Sadly not many people follow my view as I see my friends and everyone else my age going out and getting absolutely hammered when I can't help but look on in pity. As snobbish as that sounds :P


In other news, I go to Portugal in 6 days! WOOOOOOO I can't wait! I get to see a certain someone for days and days and days :D 


Best.
Week.
EVER!


I'm about ready for a nap...friday night. How the hell am I going to get through tomorrow?

Things I'll never say

Facebook status I'll never post:

Hayley Paramore: Keeps crying whenever she has to leave him...pathetic.

So yeah, I need to grow some balls, it just upsets him. Well, it also makes him happy in a way too XD But I just keep imagining how much of a bawling wreck I'm going to be if/when I go to Uni this year...yeah, that ain't gonna be pretty. 

I am the most unattractive crier XD

In other news...I have SAVINGS! I've never had savings :D

Also, my keyboard and laptop scrolly thing are on the fritz...yaaaay *sarcasm*

Enter shortest blog post ever!

P.s. I love you

More than anything