Small vent

So basically I've just come to realise how close this whole Uni thing is. I mean, it's only four months away and that's simply too fast. I don't want to leave this insignificant corner of the country that everyone else forgets about. And my first exam is in three weeks and I haven't been able to find it in me to seriously pick up a book. I have trouble with starting revising. Then I worry about the fact I haven't revised. Then the more I worry, the more I can't physically bring myself to actual pick up the stupid book. And when I worry, I lose weight. Hence why I had to have my dress taken in a good few inches before the Prom. Though if the worry could take some of my hip fat rather than from my belly, I'll be eternally grateful.
But the next 2 months will shape whether or not I actually get to go to university, but I can't seem to be able to do anything about it. I feel dumb enough about everything I'm going to be tested on, but I just don't know where to begin. Whenever I do manage to read some of my textbook, I just think to myself 'oh I know this, I don't need to read about it.' But of course, if I ever got a question on it on a past paper I would think to myself 'I have no idea what this is going on about!' And so another vicious circle is formed.
Plus I can guarantee right now that if I actually do make it to uni this year, I'll just become an even more insecure mess, testing everyone I know now. See, I'm like that, I like to test how much people care. For example, I wouldn't text someone, just to see if they would text me first. I like to think that I avoid texting people because I don't want to annoy them, but really I just want to see if they'll text me first. But the thing with testing people is that you never get the result you want. If you don't text someone all day, chances are that they won't text you. Which in itself is a sad concept because the more you wait the more you feel they don't care.
So really, the moral is that testing people never makes you any happier. More likely than not, they like you texting them first, and when you don't text them, it just makes them feel unwanted. Sorry for the persistent texting analogy...it just fits in with modern times :P

But yeah, when I go to uni, I can see myself becoming even more neurotic. I like to think that I'll be able to hide it well, but as time goes on, I will eventually turn into a crazy person. But I think keeping that from a certain someone would be best XD

I'm not quite sure where I thought I was going with this one. I wish for once I could write a completely happy blog post that doesn't make me want to slap myself.

I'm going to go whilst I'm still slightly ahead.
Night xx