All I do is dream of you

Ohh yeah, my first post in 18 days XD And my last one was officially bumming me out.


So here I am in my 'office', my brother went back to university yesterday and he has a desk. So I can do work not on my bed :O. Shocker XD. But his desk is made of glass and every time I put anything on it I silently pray to myself that it isn't going to smash. Even though it's like, reinforced glass or something.


But away from the desk XD


I think I'm one of the only people who hate the holidays. I've been away from college and seen Joe a total of 5 days. 4/15 isn't a good fraction. In fact it SUCKS. Which probably isn't made any better by the fact that my parents are going away this weeked. This is a fact that makes me different to every other teenager, I don't want my parents to leave me for 3 days. I KNOW it's their anniversary and all, but I don't like being on my own. Like; at all. And unfortunately I'm working Saturday and Sunday mornings so Joe doesn't want to come over. I mean he could have stayed from friday till Sunday and I could have...yeah whatever. It doesn't matter anyways.


I'd have people over if it wasn't for the same 'I have work at 8am' reason. So I'm going to be home alone, with the dog and cat, probably doing the same thing I do every stinking day. God I sound so bitter. See, for me, a certain someone is like an addictive substance. You know your life would be a whole lot simpler without it, but you couldn't be without it. You just want it all the time.


At least I think....I've never been much of a drug person XD or at all. 


But here I am, in Simons room, I brought in my own chair because his desk chair is slightly greasy and quite frankly disgusting and the smell of him is almost gone. If you've ever heard me talk about my brother you'll know what I mean :S lol. 


My chemistry book is looking at me, it's being all innocent sat next to me, open on the page about Kc and all I can think is that I quite honestly don't care. Like, at all. Because I suck at chemistry. But I need a B. And I'm considering getting a tutor if they didn't charge like £23 an hour. Which my mum won't pay, not that I'd ask. I just need to find someone who's GOOD at chemistry. See, if I talked to anyone in my chem class I could ask them to help me. But I don't. So I can't. This is why being a mute sucks XD. Thankfully I'm doing much better in Psychology, there my muteness doesn't matter. Though it does kinda suck that everyone's stopped saying hi when I walk in the room. Not that they did that much anyway. 


Bleh, if there was anything I could change about me it would be:
My shyness - big social flaw. I wish I was like Joe and seriously not give a crap.
The only other things are vain, like my hips and my legs. I wish I could take to exercise, because I would like to make those go away. Even though Joe 'loves' my hips. I'm sorry, but please, being out of proportion is never fun.


Anyway, I sounded like a stuck up bitch then XD 


Happiness, shall find me tomorrow I hope. I also hope I'm not in a bad mood because I haven't actually had a lie in outside of the 5 days I was at Joe's house. mmm 7am is a bad time of day. And at Joe's I didn't get much sleep, what with my dreams about Freddie Krueger after seeing that trailer for Nightmare on Elm street. Why did they have to remake it and actually make it scary? The last one was classic! Funny as fuck, and that's from the girl who hates horror films. But then again, I have an overactive imagination for that stuff, I can scare myself silly, which is another reason I don't want to be on my own this weekend. I'll just end up giving myself a heart attack. I usually console myself that my dad can kick anybodys ass. But he's not going to be there =/


I've decided curly hair is the future, it means I can do my hair in like 10 minutes, which is a blatent win if it means I have more time in the morning. I hate rushing around, I'd rather be able to just chill and do stuff slowly.


We went out for tea on Friday because it's my brothers birthday on the 22nd. So I had a shower, did my hair/make-up, got dressed and actually had 10 minutes before we had to leave. Though my mum did point out I was still the last one ready. But usually I'm running round like a headless chicken and everyone's actually in the car before I get there. My slob days are nice and relaxing, I have days where I can't be bothered to even look like a girl. Lol Joe's going to have a nice surprise when he sees those days XD. Thankfully I think he lies to make me feel better :).


I'm watching the scroll bar get longer and I'm thinking I ought to wrap this up now. Just a quick shout out to Hayfever, which I was reminded about by Josie, the love of my life. I am SO glad I don't have hayfever, you should see my mum and my brother in the summer. My brothers eyes puff up so much you can barely see his eyes. Which makes it lucky he never goes outside XD


Anyways, I'll try and post more often and more interestingly. All I've been doing is work, college work, revision and going to see Joe.


Forever yours,
The Daywalker...barely


P.s. title is the first line from Michael Bublé's song 'All I do is dream of you'

Oh yeah....a depressive one. I'm not even going to lie.

There's so much I want to write about, so much I want to vent. But I can't. I can't talk about it without the problem being so blatantly obvious and the person in question finding out.

Though I'll admit I'm not sure where the emotions that caused my current foul mood came from, but while they're here they're just turning me into an emotional wreck.

I just want to cry, and have done, because I can't verbalise my own thoughts, tears are the only way to vent some of my frustration. Tuesday night I just said it was because of the alcohol. 'I must be one of those depressed drinkers,' I thought to myself. Even I didn't believe me.

A friend told me I shouldn't put on a front, I should tell people how I feel so that I can get sympathy and a loving shoulder to cry on. But let's be honest, no one I know (including myself) has much sympathy for whiny attention-seekers.

I don't know, I just want to feel happy again, I kinda want to go back a month to when I was always so happy without a care or worry in the world.

Unfortunately life isn't that kind